Thursday, February 18, 2010

Just Today


So, originally I was going to write a post about my family and what they mean to me... but I do not have the energy and fear that I will be a sobbing mess by the end of it. So, with that being said I will be writing this post instead. I found this on Mommy Pat's blog and thought I would go ahead and do a "Just Today" post myself.

Outside my window... it is dark, still, silent. The streetlights are glowing and the wind is at a standstill.
The time is... 10:48 pm
Today I feel... drained, overwhelmed, sad, happy. I love my new baby, but I miss my mom who left yesterday. I am homesick for my family in Ohio and overwhelmed at the daunting task of being a mother.
I am thinking... a multitude of different thoughts. There are so many things running through my mind at present that I can't think straight. I worry about Aidan not knowing his family since we live 1400 miles away from them. Should we move back to Ohio so that he does not miss out on that? And so that we will have the support system that we truly need now that we have a child? (I realize this are not realistic thoughts... we have a great life here and Jason has a great job here. Moving back to Ohio and their bad economy wouldn't be the smartest or moves, right?) Will I be able to go back to school and truly focus once Fall semester comes around? Will Aidan ever want to exclusively breastfeed or is he destined to drink my milk out of a bottle? Am I in turn destined to be tied to a breast pump for the next six months? There's more... that's just scratching the surface.
At the moment, I am thankful... to have such wonderful support and help from Jason. He is a wonderful father to Aidan and has been a lifesaver since my mom left. I will be sad when he has to go back to the office on Monday, as that will be my first real day alone with the baby. I am thankful that Aidan was born healthy. I prayed every night that I would have a healthy baby and God answered my prayers. I am thankful to be healthy myself, and that I have been able to lose ALL of my baby weight all ready! I am thankful that my animals have adjusted so well to life with a baby. I was afraid they may protest to be put on the back burner for awhile. I am thankful to have such a loving family and that I know I have their support, even if they are far away. I am thankful for my friend Rhea, who has been a wonderful shoulder to lean on and a great friend who has been able to relate to my new mother situation.
I am going... to be very tired tomorrow. I wish this little man would start sleeping through the night!
I am wearing... gray, preggo pajama pants and a preggo t-shirt that says "baby". They're big, but SOO comfy!
I wish... that I could go back home for the entire summer and spend as much time as possible with our families.
I am reading... not a whole lot right now. Kinda busy. I look at Baby 411 when I need to, but other than that, only blogs when I have a minute.
I am working on... breastfeeding Aidan.
I am hoping... that my "baby blues" sadness and crying fits will end soon.
I am hearing... the dryer running, Aidan cooing, and Yevgeny Plushenko's ice skating music.
Around the house... I have been able to pretty much stay on top of things. I need to clean the master bathroom, but nobody sees that but us, right?
I bet you didn't know... that I am really happy that Jason's parents will be coming to visit us this Wednesday. I'm excited for them to meet Aidan and will be happy for the help!
One of my favorite... things to watch right now is the Olympics. I am so happy that it is on late night so that I have something to watch when I am up with the baby.

I'm off to fold laundry and feed my baby now... Good night!

~Emily

5 comments:

  1. You've already lost ALL your baby weight? Don't say that too loudly, people might hate on you.

    Don't stress out about the breastfeeding. I couldn't think about it without getting overwhelmed. Then a lactation consultant told me to focus on "small goals"-- instead of six months, think about getting to two weeks, then four, then six, then three months... it worked. I nursed until 14 months.

    I'm not an expert, but I've read up a lot on nursing and have gone to more classes than I can count. Email me if you need help, or just an ear to listen.

    ~Elizabeth
    Confessions From A Working Mom

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  2. awwww new babies!
    I hate to break it to you but I dont think the running tboughts and what ifs have stopped since my first son was born almost 7 years ago! Just dont let those toughts turn into mommy guilt!You're doing GREAT!

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  3. Thanks for all of the support ladies! It means a lot. :)

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  4. Glad you found my Texas-Blogging Gals! Will get you on the next updated list.

    Enjoyed a first visit.

    Come see me at my personal blog, too, real soon.

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  5. My mom had the exact opposite problem when I was born: she, my dad and me were in Ohio, while her whole family was down in Houston.

    I know it was hard for her having her mom so far away, to *still* have her so far away. But she made sure we visited them, they visited us. My sister and I never felt like we "missed out" on that side of the family. Plus, you're living in the digital age! Webcams, blogs, there are soo many ways to keep in contact from so far away.

    (I know I don't have kids, but that's just my thoughts, whatever they are worth :-))

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