Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Friendships



You might remember my first Pour Your Heart out post. It took a lot out of me, so this is first time I decided to join in on Shell's Wednesday meme since.

So the thing is...

*deep breath*

I am horrible at keeping in touch with people.

There.
I said it.
It's the truth.

I start a new job, usually really hit it off with a few coworkers... Life happens, directions change and somebody will leave the company, and then I will lose touch with those wonderful people whom I had such great relationships with.

Maybe we see each other a few times afterwards. Drinks on a Friday, a few phone calls here and there. And then... nothing.

I don't know why I do it. It's like I let friendships just slip through my fingers. It's awful. And completely my fault. No one else to blame here.

For instance, a great friend of mine, the lovely Jennifer, and I spoke on the phone yesterday.

It's the first time we've talked since my baby shower.

Which was in November.

Which was five months ago.

F.I.V.E.

We talked for over 2 1/2 hours. It was fantastic!

I never realized how much I missed her until I heard her sweet voice on the other end of the phone. Our friendship is one of comfort. We've known each other for about 4 years. We haven't talked regularly in sometime, yet we can always pick right back up where we left off. I love that about her. About us. We just fit. No need for excuses. We understand that the other is busy and we both would rather trade a phone call for some quality time on the couch every once in awhile. No harm, no foul. Right?

Granted, before our long overdue phone call we played phone tag with each other for awhile... then I had a baby and the phone was a foreign object, one that I hated on most days and barely tolerated on the others. I just didn't want to talk to people. Well, I did. But, those people consisted of my Mom and two of my five sisters. Nobody else made the cut.

The thing is... it's really hard to make friends once you're an adult. And I'm doing a pretty bad job of keeping the ones that I do make.

Think about it. We all meet people at work, school, maybe the gym.. but then we go home and are consumed with our family lives. Those outsiders are forgotten.

Are they not important enough? Or are we too involved in our little cocoons and nests that we block out advances made by those on the outside. The ones trying to get in and invade our little lives?

This whole process has been especially hard for me since I moved here to Houston. I have two very close girlfriends, both of whom I met at my previous job. Neither one of them works there anymore either. But, we have managed to stay in touch and spend time together atleast a few times a month.

I love these two girls and hope to always stay in touch with them. But who is to say that will happen?

I do believe that you meet people at times when you need them. And then when they don't fit into your life anymore, either one or both of you will move on. That's just how life works.

But what about the ones that you just let go of or the ones that are letting go of you? Should you fight for them? Or just cherish the memories?

I've been in the process of joining some Mommy and Me groups in the hopes of meeting some other mothers who I can relate to, women I can click with and who "get me." Afterall, I'm friendly, outgoing and love a good laugh. But, I feel as if I'm almost holding myself back when I meet people these days. As if I'm afraid that if I put me out there all at once I'll scare them away.

What's a gal to do? I guess just suck it up and try to meet some people, right?

"There is nothing on this earth more to be prized than true friendship."
~ Saint Thomas Aquinas

13 comments:

  1. I think that sometimes it just doesn't make sense in the context of your life to fight for a friendship that won't work because of time and distance. That said, there's nothing more gratifying than finding a friendship that's worth it--the kind you can pick up after a few months or years apart and feel right at home in within fifteen minutes. It sounds like you guys had a great conversation--I'm really glad. I hope the Mommy and Me groups go well!

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  2. This is a hard question. I had a friend who I loved dearly but who dropped me like a fly. I've also been the one who was horrible at keeping in touch with another friend, or two, or three. I think we just know who we click with and who is real, who we want in our life.

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  3. I get it. I hate talking on the phone. The thing that has helped me is Facebook, I stay in touch with people that I never did before.

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  4. I am exactly the same way. I don't know why I find it so difficult to keep friendships going - but do.

    I reconnected with Shell last yr after not seeing eachother for 15 yrs and it was exactly like your phone call with your friend - it just feels like you pick up where you left off.

    It is great to have a truly good friend like that!

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  5. It really is so hard to keep in touch sometimes. Life gets in the way unfortunately and I have been in your shoes before. I always think if you can have one or two really great friends that is a success.

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  6. It seems easy to stay friends with someone when you are around them all the time. I'm bad at losing touch once we're not around each other all the time any more.

    But, last year, I got back in touch with a friend that I hadn't talked to for 14 years. And, it was like we had never been apart. Unfortunately, I moved away from her a few months ago, but I am determined that we will keep in touch.

    Thanks for linking up!

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  7. As an adult, making and maintaining friendships is hard. It definitely helps to put yourself out there and meet new people, like Mommy groups.

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  8. It is not your fault alone, I takes two for any relationship to work, both have to work at it with equals amounts of energy.

    As you get older you will probably have some really great friends you only talk to once or twice a year. Friends that you love, but both of you have your family lives that go on first (as it should). You'll all understand that is how life pulls us, but remain friends because it is meant to be.

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  9. I so get what your saying. I moved here to Utah from Canada and still haven't found a friend and I'm terrible at keeping in touch with the two I have in Canada. Hope things go well for you and you find what you're looking for!
    Glad I found your blog!

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  10. I know exactly how you feel and what you mean. I've had the same issues with friends. You meet these great people working at a job and then some one leaves or you leave and that friendship falls apart. You lose touch. And you make gestures at getting together but both of you never REALLY do it.
    The best thing is hang on to those friends that you can lose touch with for awhile and just pick up where it left off when you talk. Those are your true friends, everyone else in between might just be those season or reason friends. Have you ever read that poem? so true.

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  11. Friends can come and go ... it's just the way life flows- we all change, move, adapt ... sometimes it's really hard to stay in contact- we are all busy ;-) Followin gyou now- stop by my place when you can ;-)

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  12. Becoming a mom is such a huge transition - and friendship are hard to maintain. Sounds like you have a great friend who you can just pick-up with after long periods of not talking. Those are great friends!

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  13. It's hard to maintain friendships when you are a busy mom--especially with a brand new baby!

    If it were not for my blackberry, I would be totally estranged!

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