Friday, August 27, 2010

I'll miss this

The other day I had my first honest-to-goodness "I am going to miss this moment" with Aidan.

He was drunkenly lounging on the boppy in a milk coma and looked up at me with his gorgeous, brown eyes. Then he gave me an ear splitting smile and giggled. He was happy. Satisfied. And in love with his Momma.

I wanted to cry.

I'll miss this. I love breastfeeding him. I love the connection between us before, during and afterward. I love that he relies on me for his nourishment. And I love how content he is after he's just helped himself to a big meal and lets out a giant fart!

A thought crossed my mind at that moment. Do I really want to have more kids?

I've always wanted to have at least 2 kids. Growing up in a family of 7, I always felt bad for those lonely, only children. They never had any instant playmates. I, on the other hand, had 4 sisters close to my age on standby 24 hours a day! Some days I may have hated having them there ALL of the time, but for the most part I really loved it. I want my children to have same relationship with a sibling that I have with mine.

But, then, I'd never have this time with Aidan again. Or for my next child. These wonderful days of staying at home with Aidan, just the two of us, would be long gone. And I'd never have the chance to have that time with a second child. It'd always be the 3 of us.

Those special breastfeeding moments would be interrupted by the need of another sibling, not the quiet, blissful moments that Aidan and I share now.

So, for now I will just enjoy every moment that we have together. I all ready cherish the little things, but perhaps now they will become extra special. :)



3 comments:

  1. I understand how you feel but I can honestly say that you would be able to have those same moments with a second child. They may not be as often and for as long as they are now but they will happen. There's nap time for the older sibling and the middle of the night feedings too. Plus there can always be one-on-one time when Daddy takes a turn with the older child (and that's important too so he knows he is still just as important with a new baby in the house). I have those special moments even with three that are all age 4 and under. Even when all three are up and active I can still have a special bonding moment with Lexi because the older two are busy playing on their own. Don't rush having another baby until you are ready to but don't be scared of it either. You have enough love for all of your children and they all have enough for you! : )

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  2. I love this post. :) We've talked about how it's going to be with baby #2 (beyond the birth experience which you've already read bout) - how can we love a second child as much as we love N? It's crazy to think about going through the pregnancy, nursing, and child-rearing experience with a whole different baby, isn't it? *sigh*

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  3. That is so sweet, what a special memory! I know what you mean, and I feel that way sometimes too, but then as the first one gets to be a toddler, a baby sounds fun again:) I agree with your friend, I am not rushing into having #2 either, it's so nice to be able to really enjoy the first one! Take care and give Aiden a hug from us!

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