Wednesday, August 10, 2011

I made the decision


In an earlier post, I briefly mentioned that I had decided to send Aidan to a Mother's Day Out program twice a week. A few months ago this was a PYHO post that I had written, on whether or not to actually send him.

It's been a very hard decision for me. Some days I'm excited, others I'm not.

I know there are plenty of women out there who would  kill for the chance to get their kiddo out of the house for a few hours a week, so they'd have time to do whatever they wanted, or needed, to get done.

Heck, there are times right now when I would kill for that chance! It's not a lie when I say that I look forward to nap time everyday. We all need a chance to reboot and regain control of our sanity when we're home all day with children.

But, still, it's hard. I'm sending away my baby.

I know he'll be fine. And I know I'll need the break once Baby Number Two makes an appearance in less than a month!

This is what's right for all of us. It'll  be best for Aidan, myself and the baby.

But, I worry. Worry that Aidan will have a hard time adjusting, worried that he won't like the program, worried that he will feel abandoned.

Most of all I'm worried that he WILL like it.

Does that make sense?

Shouldn't I be the one he wants to spend all of his time with? Shouldn't I be the one to lay him down for a nap? To comfort him when he gets a boo boo? To feed him his lunch? To receive all of his hugs and kisses? To teach him what he needs to learn at this young age?

Instead part of my mothering duties will be put on the shoulders of another. Somebody who isn't me. Somebody I don't even know! And being the control freak I am, it doesn't make me feel too great.

These toddler years are so short. I don't want to miss out on all of those special (and frustrating) moments with my little man.

And I know that when I drop him off on his first day and watch him standing there with his little backpack on his shoulders, gripping tightly to his lunchbox, I'll definitely shed a tear or two. I just have to hope that he'll enjoy himself and that I'll relish this one-on-one time with our new child.

I know I just need to get over it. It's for the best, right?

~Emily

P.S. Linking up with Shell today.

4 comments:

  1. Oh, it's such a conflict of emotions when it's time for them to spend time away from us! Hope that you and he both adjust easily.

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  2. First, I love your new blog look, lady. :) It's awesome!

    I think you have every right to feel the way you do. It's hard taking that first step and since you haven't had him in daycare since you're a SAHM, sending your firstborn to anything new is tough if you're not used to it. It was the first day of daycare for me ... and sometimes it still is.

    Praying for you! *hugs*

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  3. I know EXACTLY what you're talking about. G starts preschool this fall (three mornings a week), but I enrolled her in a few "summer camps" to get her ready. I cried when she happily went into her classroom and DIDN'T look back. She was ready; I wasn't!

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  4. I know exactly how you feel. I feel like our baby is growing up so fast, and I know there will be good things about having time to myself when he goes to preschool, but we only get a few years before they're off to preschool... and then kindegarten... and then college. I want to savor every moment I have him to myself!

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